


Colorful Chaos

by Townycod13



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Soul Mate AU, Utterly Ridiculous, cracktastic, i keep my word owo, i promised id write a fluffy stutters, written for funsies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 12:08:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14425101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/pseuds/Townycod13
Summary: In a world where everyone sees things in monochrome until meeting their soul mate... chaos reigns.





	Colorful Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> Fic beta'd by Panaceaa! <3

Panic attacks at work were an invention of Satan.

Not just any Satan, it had to be Canadian Satan. That dude was fucked in the head.

He was going to complain about it next time he ran into Damien.

Stan held his breath momentarily. Focused. And let it out. He couldn’t stop the panic that was nearly paralyzing his limbs. He could at least pretend to be focused though.

So long as he ensured no one noticed, this too would pass.

His heart would eventually slow, his stomach would settle, and the fog disrupting his normal neural processing would dissipate.

He was more or less on autopilot. His only hope was that nothing out of the ordinary would occur. Most common occurrences at work could be dealt with using a packaged pre-response.

He could do this.

Just a bit longer and it should stop and he would get his body back.

He had to suppress the nervous tics, destructive impulses, and the urge to scream but that was fine. He could deal with all that after he was in the privacy of his apartment.

No one had to know or see.

He could do this. Just a little longer.

He just needed absolutely nothing out of the ordinary to occur and he would make it through today, like he had so many times before.

An explosion sounded.

“AHAHAHA! KNEEL BEFORE CHAOS MORTAL!”

An explosion of color assaulted his senses that was entirely unrelated to the literal explosion he super villain had used to infiltrate the police station.

Great.

Just great.

 _This_ was how Stan met his soul mate?

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

\--

“What am I going to do, General Disarray?! I can’t approach him without revealing my secret identity and of all things, why is my soulmate a _cop_ , oh geez, this is just my luck, ya know?”

General Disarray, from his position across the room solemnly comforting the panicked Chaos, raised his hand hopefully, “What if you just tried dating him as Professor Chaos?”

“…You’re a genius, Disarray!”

“I try,” the boy smarmed back. Butters wasn’t listening anymore though, well into his plans to sweep the unsuspecting police officer off his feet.

\--

“Stan?”

“Yes, Craig.”

“Why is your desk covered in flowers.”

“Do I _look_ like I know, Tucker?”

“Looks like they’re all signed ‘from a chaotic force’.”

“Yes, Craig, I can fucking read.”

“Stan, why is the asshole that broke the precinct sending you flowers.”

“Craig, that's a really fucking good question why don't you use your detective skills to figure that shit out.”

“I think he likes you.”

“Yeah, Craig, I figured that out.”

Stan _really_ wanted a different partner.

\--

“AHAHHA! I have rained chaos upon your pitiful party! All shall fall in the face of the disorder I have now thrust upon you all! General Disarray! Release the doves!"

A swarm of gorgeous white doves joined the fray of balloons, presents, and treats that had previously rained down.

Stan didn't look at any of his long time friends that had visited for his birthday party, a simple affair that involved chips, video games, and tactfully not mentioning shit about age.

He didn't have to _look_ to hear Kenny's snorting laughter or Kyle's confused 'seriously?' so it didn't really spare him much trauma but he would take what he could get.

"Now we will go! Know we spared you all this time!"

" _Dude_ , I think Professor Chaos--"

"I. Know." Stan ground out.

"--okay, but, I can't tell if he's trying to woo you or mock you. He _does_ realize you're turning 32, not 5, right?"

"Yeah. I don't know either. I need a drink."

\--

"I bet you didn't expect me to--"

"Ok, Chaos, was it? We need to talk."

Ah, gee, that hadn't been in his plan today. Chaos bit his lip anxiously and considered just pressing the button that would shower his soulmate in personally cut-out hearts anyway.

But Stan looked awful serious and relationships were all about communication, right?

"Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Look. I think we both know we're soulmates. World splashed with color. Blah, blah, blah, but I don't think you understand that doesn't mean I'm interested in you."

"Well, I don't know what you mean by that," Chaos fidgeted anxiously, "I have been raining chaos and destruction on your lif--"

"True as that is, Chaos, what with you having a homemade lunch sent to my precinct and sang a ballad outside of my window. At 3am. On a weeknight." Stan took a barely calming breath, "You're not fooling anyone and this is getting out of hand."

Chaos' shoulders slumped. He never really considered getting rejected by his soulmate. And Stan seemed like such a nice person too.

"Yeah, well, maybe I'll rain chaos somewhere else." he sniffed.

"Yeah," Stan clipped, "I'd _really_ appreciate that."

It stung a bit more than seemed rational, all things considered, but Chaos had always been a bit of a romantic at heart. He'd always figured if there was one person on this earth that could love him unconditionally, it had to be his soulmate.

He'd been so happy when the world splashed with color at the sight of Stan Marsh.

Aw, gee. He should have figured there wasn't anyone that could love someone like him.

\--

"Mind if I sit here?"

A casual request at a bus stop. Butters shrugged, not bothering to look up from his planner.

"Huh,"

That got Butters attention, he barely raised his head.

"Sorry, didn't mean to surprise you, just pretty rare to see someone with an honest to god planner nowadays. It's usually all on peoples phones and shit."

Butters pat the book with a smile, "I like it better this way. Makes it easier to really clear my thoughts and focus, ya know?"

He shouldn't have looked up.

Stan Marsh of all people was giving him a little half-smile.

"That's pretty cool actually, maybe I'll give it a shot too."

His throat clogged but he still choked out, "Y-yeah?"

"I've been having a bit of trouble focusing lately. Lot on my mind."

"Ah."

"Hey, random question, what do you think of soulmates?"

 _Did he know_?! How could he know?! Butters panicked for any of Chaos' costume that may have somehow been left on his person. That wasn't possible though. It had been over a week since he'd last donned the persona.

"Uhhh... what do ya mean?"

Stan looked sheepish, "Sorry, that was weird, it's just... it's always been a weird concept for me to wrap my head around."

"Uh-huh."

"I actually ended up meeting my soulmate, which I know not a lot of people do so I should be lucky, but it was kinda a disaster."

"...Yeah..." Butters felt incredibly small. He didn't want to listen to this.

"I mean, he seemed like a pretty fun guy, despite being an utter dork, but he just came on _way_ too strong. Like, I wasn't getting sleep at night. So I kinda told him to fuck off but now I dunno... I mean, it's not that I didn't like him, I mean I didn't even know him well enough to know if I liked him or not? I just didn't like the harassment, you know?"

"Oh."

Well.

Huh.

What did you really say to that, all things considered?

"Uhh, sounds like a real jerk, that guy, musta made you awful sore."

"Nah, seemed ok. Just _very_ painfully awkward."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry, I just told you my fucking life story for no reason," Stan was going red, "That was really weird, I'm sorry, I swear I don't normally just unload on people like that."

"You musta been holdin' a lot in then. Ya know, it's hard to express everything you're feeling all on your own. I'm happy to listen if it helps you at least a little."

Oh. Butters wasn't sure he'd ever seen Stan smile so openly before.

Well, golly. That was a sight.

"Thanks, dude. You're really cool." Oh thank god he could see color now because the blue in Stan's eyes something he didn't wanna forget, "My name's Stan."

"Butters." he returned weakly.

Well. This promised to be awkward.

\--

"-and that's how I met your father, the fucking asshole that gave me two months of consistent panic attacks before calming his fucking shit down and _actually_ sweeping me off my feet."

Butters wrapped his arms around his husbands neck, "I'm awful sorry about that, ya know. Golly, if I'd known you didn't respond well to surprises! Color me surprised."

They both laughed good-naturedly as the children looked on in boredom and agitation.

Neither of them had asked. Neither of them had wanted to know. What they _had_ wanted to know was more to do with an explanation as to certain, currently unclear, aspects of their adoptions.

The younger child, a girl with light blond hair, turned to her brother, "I think these fucking assholes are dodging the question."

The older boy nodded, eyes narrowing, "What a buncha dicks."

Revenge would be both cruel and unusual.

One could call it... chaotic.

 

The End

 


End file.
